Thursday, March 12, 2009

A reoccurring dream.

It's 1:40am.
He just left.
I'm bored.

I made this blog cause I thought maybe it might lead to something.

It reminds me of this reoccurring dream I use to have my freshman year of high school. It was simple enough. I would dream that I started a blog that said all the things I really felt about my boyfriend at the time. How I hated loving him. How I hated the way he pushed me when I wasn't ready. How I loved blaming myself for how shitty I felt... all the things I would never have the strength to say to him. And then I would be sitting next to him when he accidentally pulled up my blog... he sat there and read it for some time, no expression on his face. Then a smile cracked, and he just started laughing... laughing at my foolishness. Laughing at the feelings I had. Laughing. And my insides felt cold, and it felt so real. It felt like my heart was breaking every time I had that dream... and it took me a hundred times before I realized my heart really was breaking.

Dreams have a funny way of letting you know what you are really feeling... because sometimes you are just too afraid to accept it on your own... Sometimes you just need a little push in the right direction. A slap in the face.

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