Monday, September 6, 2010

I love my brother!!

He plays the keytar - what is cooler than that?

Olden days.

I have an absolute obsession with vintage photographs. I love to find huge boxes of them in thrift stores and junk shops and just rifle through them, just thinking about what the people in them must of been like, imagine the moment before the photo was taken, all the moments following. Photographs intrigue me because they can tell so much, while still leaving room for speculation and imagination.

I found a group of these photos in a antique book I bought from a junk shop - there were 5 or 6 of them. I like this one in particular because it reminds me of all the halloweens I use to have at my pre-school and grade school. A day where everyone got to be something they weren't.

Still the same.

My dad e-mailed me this a couple of weeks ago.
It made me smile because it made me realize that I really haven't changed all that much from when I was younger.
I'm still excitable, weird and have a problem with authority.

It's good to not forget where you come from - and also to be able to smile at the little stupid things life is made up of.


Monday, June 1, 2009

The simplest of pleasures.

He means so much to me.

Those little things.
Those tiny things that he does.

The gentle tips of his fingers brushing against my skin.
The warmth he makes lying next to me.
Kissing the top of my head.
Hiding me beneath the sheets.
Squinting at me in the darkness to try to make out my face.
Missing my lips in the dark.
Gazing up at my cheap glow in the dark stars on my ceiling and feeling like we are two beings lost in the universe.
Lost in each other.
Finding ourselves in one another.

The quiet breathing in the darkness.
The comfort.
The safety.
The whispered confessions.
The almost silent adoration.
His hand rested gently on my face.

Every little movement he makes.
Filling me with a happiness I can't explain.

The way I can feel that he is there for me.
That he is there at all.
With me.

It is like nothing else.

Friday, May 15, 2009

Summer rolls on in.

I have officially finished my freshman year of college.

It doesn't feel like much right now.
Feels like I can breathe again.
Feels like I can think about the simple pleasure and less about the gotta-do's.

I can make a list of things I want to do,
not things I have to do.

I have so much time now.
So much time to put my heart into everything that I do.
So much time to meet new people.
Learn something about myself.

My goal for this summer:
Don't stop smiling.

I want a reason to laugh every minute.
Only cry when I'm happy.
Act on my spontaneous impulses.
Follow my gut instinct.
Hug my friends every chance I get.

This summer is about me being a better person.

This is going to be the best summer yet.

Wednesday, April 15, 2009


I have transcended caring...
I honestly do not care anymore.

It is just too much work to try and keep up a good face with the whole world.
There are too many people who are just so fucking critical.
Too many people that smile at your face and spit with their nasty tongues as soon as you look away.
Too many people who pretend they care about you.
Too many people who think they have it bad.
Too many people who lead such trivial lives that they will never know themselves.
Too many people who migrate with the largest herd.
Too many people who assimilate to their surroundings and forget who they are.
Too many people.

The friends I had at one time, are no longer there.
They are just people.
People who have let me down.
People who have left me behind.
Too many people.

And that spot in my chest that was hurting for so long...
It is so hollow.
And all I can say about that emptiness is that...

It feels so good.

Monday, April 6, 2009

My Smile.

I think about my smile a lot.

I love smiling.
I believe it is the single most best thing anyone could ever do with their face.
It makes me feel good and lets the rest of my body know it is okay to relax.

But then I think about how I must look when I smile. I see it in a reflection and I get embarrassed. It seems ugly to me. So broad, showing off my gums. Flaunting my gaps. All I can see are imperfections in this smile of mine. And I payed those men to make it right, but they let me down.

I think about how every time I open my mouth someone is probably looking into it with disgust. Thinking maybe I might be in pain rather than happy. Hoping that I will shut my lips soon so they have one less thing to worry about.

My smile is obnoxious and obtrusive.
It reflects who I am.
... and I can't say if I like that or not.

But I will keep on smiling and hope that someone finds it beautiful.